Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
