I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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