i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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