I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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