1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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