do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
