Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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