Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can Purell be used as lube?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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