I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
