lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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