This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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