Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
