I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
