just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
