after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
