his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
