Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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