She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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