I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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