Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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