guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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