I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
