Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
