tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
