I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
