I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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