Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
