you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
