I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
