You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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