booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
