oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
