just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
