Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
