so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
