I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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