If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
