ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
