I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
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Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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