YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
