I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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