i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
