if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
