you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
