am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
