Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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