how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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