my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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