Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
