so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sarcasm needs its own font
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
