Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
