you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
