She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My cat gives me a boner
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
