I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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