Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
