You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
