Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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