does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
