OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
