Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
