Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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