Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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