My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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