the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
