I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Mom said you looked used
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
