My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?