this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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