Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
