Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
