All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
