my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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